New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
