whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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