Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
