I wish my penis had an off switch
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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