I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
