he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
