uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
