I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
