I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
