I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
