Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
