Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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