Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
