and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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