I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
