I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so let's talk penis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
