Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
