If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
