Got a toothbrush?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
