Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
