its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
