You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
