if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
