the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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