the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize