i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's shark week go big or go home
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize