I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
