You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
