She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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