dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
