it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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