Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
