all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
