It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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