Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
