He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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