I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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