You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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