So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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