the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
