thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
