This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize