what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
