You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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