I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
