Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize