My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
