i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
