I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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