My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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