just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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