She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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