I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
