the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize