Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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