i permit you to call me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
