Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize