if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
