Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
