I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
