as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
