he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
