just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
