She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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