i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
