So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
