I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
