You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
worst night to have a conscience
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
