I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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