I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize