So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
