i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize